There are a lot of things that I want to discuss on this topic but I figured it would be better for now to show you some videos instead.
This video starts off a little rough but I want you to focus on what Tamera is saying and some of the responses of everyone else. The video ends with Tamera saying that sex isn’t everything in a relationship it is just the icing on the cake. When you wait until marriage to have sex you can get to know your partner on a deeper level (once again take note of what Tamera says on this) and it is easier to discern whether God will support that marriage or not.
With this being said, God created sex to glorify him. When you do it in His timing it is sooo much better.
Just a short video on showing Tamera and her husband seeming to be equally yoked and waiting until marriage.
The physical and psychological effect sex has on a male, female, and marriage when you have sex before marriage.
This is the best video of them all that my mom referred me to. It explains not only why good marriages last but how to pin point a problem in marraige…go to the source. God created male, female came from the flesh of a male, male and female produce a family, families make a community, communities make a nation (I might be missing one step but you get the point). If there is a problem with the nation, go back and look at the communities. If there is a problem with the community go back and look at the families that make that community, If there is a problem with the family go back and look at the mother. If there is a problem with the mother go back and look at the father. If there is a problem with the father, the father should go back and reconnect with God who is perfect and can fix any problem. A father who is a man of God is like a man who is holding an umbrella (God’s protection) over his family and future generations protecting them from the rain (evil).
The video also discusses the characteristics of a man that is ready to marry. He links this back to Genesis when God saw Adam and said that it was not good for him to be alone. Adam in the Garden of Eden (which means in God’s presence) needed a helper. The video highlighted that not all men need a woman because they are not ready and do not yet have the characteristics of what Adam had when he was in the Garden of Eden. The men who do not need a woman yet needs God so he can gain the characteristics God needs him to have to be able to be responsible for a wife and children. Let me elaborate on this by first listing the things a man ready to be married should have. (You should pray that your husband at the very least comes with these characteristics because they are characteristics of a man who God knows is ready for marriage and will not hold it from him.)
1. Self confidence and image in God. He shouldn’t find confidence in materialistic things. No matter what seems popular around him his value is found in his image in God and who God wants him to be.
2. A man that is always and loves to be in the presence of God. You should always meet the man you marry in the presence of God. This does not mean you meet him in church. Because Jesus died on the cross and rose again we now able to have the Holy Spirit in us which means we can always be in the presence of God no matter where we are. Therefore, you and the man you meet should/can be in the presence of God when you meet without meeting at church. Church is a place for you to grow in Christ not a place to find a man or woman to idolize above God.
3. A man who works and loves to work. No explanation needed other than if he doesn’t have a job he should be vigorously looking for one like the movie with Will Smith in “The Pursuit of Happiness”.
4. Can cultivate…bring the best out of and improve you. He shouldn’t be pushing your buttons all of the time and making “not yourself” or frustrated or not the person God wants you to be. He definitely shouldn’t be asking you to be the old you. Even if the old you seemed better. He should be helping you become a better version of yourself (A New You). The version God wants you to be.Always looking forward not backward.
5. A protector. He should not be beating on you or making you feel unsafe ever. The man you are marrying is essentially trying to take the place of your father. If you have father issues then think of your heavenly Father as your father whose place your husband can never take. Your father should be the protector of your family. As safe as your father makes you feel that is how safe you should feel with your husband. If a man does not give you that sense of security don’t expect him to give it to you and your children when you are married.
6. Knows the Word. It is ideal to be with a man who has read the Bible front to back but if he hasn’t at the very least He should have a huge interest in the Word due to his desire to always be in the presence of God. This is the most major way he will protect you and your family by having that strong relationship with God. It is also important for him to be able to teach you and his children the Word.
7. The last thing the speaker says is Real Men Worship. Your future husband should not be afraid to recognize that his success came from God and praise god for it. To go even further, your future husband should willing and anxious to show your children (and you) how to worship God. side note: I’d like to think there isn’t a particular way to worship just as long as he encourages you and your children to worship. For example, my parents, if I remember correctly, sang gospel songs on the way home from a date once.
I will elaborate on what women naturally are and should be doing when married on my next post.
How bad do you want it?
This is the question we ask ourselves when we are on the road to achieving our goals. However, I realized today that this isn’t necessarily the best question we should be asking ourselves. Why? Because it unintentionally brings a feeling of impatience, greed, and the sense of “the end justifies the means” type of attitude. The question we should be asking is…
How do you want it when you get it?
I know this doesn’t make much sense yet but let me explain it a little better. The first question tests the passion you have for completing your goal. The second question tests how you will achieve your goal and confidently assumes that your goal will be achieved. For example we all know I want to be an Olympian. Every day I would subconsciously ask myself that first question. As a result I wanted success as soon as possible. I never broke the rules to get it (although some people do) but I over worked myself and neglected my health sometimes. Have you ever heard the quote “A hardworking healthy athlete is always better than an unhealthy talented athlete”? I thought being a healthy athlete meant no serious injuries or broken bones but I was only half right. A healthy athlete also means you are well rested, not mentally burnt out (by academics in my case), spiritually intact, and eating right. There are so many things that go into it and to develop into a better athlete you must better all of those things with time. Which brings me to the second question.
We’ll switch from the example of an athlete to someone wanting a potential husband. We all know why the first question would be a horrible question to ask yourself in relation to waiting on (preparing for) your future husband. To me it screams desperate but feel free to leave a comment below if you disagree with that outlook. I would like to know what you think. Now back to the second question. The “when you get it” like I said before assumes you will be getting a husband. So faith in that alone should sort of keep you from being anxious or desperate to find one. The “how do you want it” is what I want to focus on. It relates to the quote “you attract what you are”. I feel not much more needs to be said because it is self explanatory. If you want a good husband become the person you want him to be. It’s easy to get a boyfriend (especially if you’re driven by the first question) but it’s harder to meet the right person for you. So if you ever get impatient and are struggling between the questions “How bad do you want it?” versus “How do you want it when you get it?” (which you’ll find happens more often than not) revert to the second question as a means to rid you of thinking that you have to lower your standards for yourself and others in order to achieve your goals in life.
When trying to achieve a goal focus on the person you want to be when you achieve it. The goal does not define you you define it.
Lastly, although I used a husband as an example, a husband should not be a goal or an achievement. It should be seen as something that will happen in God’s will and timing. Your only action should be to “prepare yourself” for becoming a wife by striving to become the “you” God wants you to be.
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